she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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