You really coming over, don't trick.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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