just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
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he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
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You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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