so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize