i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
