Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
