my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
