Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
