Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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