Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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