i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
