the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
