90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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