i was born a porn star she said
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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