Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
