you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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