how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
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