i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
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In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
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You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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