I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
