Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
