Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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