I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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