Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Just high enough for therapy.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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