Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
