I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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