So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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