I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
