he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
