Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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