I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
