Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
