I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
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Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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