i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
