He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
i now understand why vodka
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
