are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
