Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
We need to rekindle our bromance
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
