You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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