Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
