She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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