I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Also, beer. Big fan.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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