pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
We're too hungover to prance.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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