I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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