Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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