This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
