I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
