your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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