So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
