I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
