Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
