Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
