you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
