I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
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I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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