Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm both gender and math confused
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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