Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
