We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
