It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
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