How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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