Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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