I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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