I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
