i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
