i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize