So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
So squirting runs in the family.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
