I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
