Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
