would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
