I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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