Little spoons don't ask big questions
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Randomize
