the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
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Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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