Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
