I met the friendliest cop last night
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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