if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Is it because I queefed?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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