He is an equal opportunity slut.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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