Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
