i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
