I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i think my mom watched the whole time
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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