Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
