I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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