so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
