Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
