Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
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