Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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