my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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