So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
