there's paper in my vomit.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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