so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
