it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
